RPO: Greetings and Salutations!

I did it! I watched Heathers and survived!

Seriously, anyone who has seen that movie has to agree it is a twisted, weird movie with way too many WTF? moments.

Let me start off by saying that I had no idea what Heathers was about. The only thing I knew coming into it, was that at some point there was a funeral. I mentioned in my previous post that the video message Mr. Halliday leaves includes a funeral scene from this movie (Heathers). I had pictured the funeral outdoors in a cemetery, but it is not, it is actually indoors in a church. Now I feel like I know more about RPO than I did before! Hurray!

First of I should’ve known it would be a weird movie! Did Winona Ryder star in a movie that wasn’t weird? I don’t think so. The title of the movie becomes obvious once you meet the cast of characters. There’s Heather, Heather, Heather, and Veronica. Winona Ryder plays Veronica, and she’s the odd one in the group of popular girls called Heathers (because, there’s three of them). We can clearly see Veronica doesn’t really like, or approve of the way the Heathers treat other people, but she still sticks with them and is part of their group. Cue in Christan Slater’s character, Jason Dean (J.D.). He notices how Veronica isn’t really part of Heathers and sneaks into her room late at night. He suggests they play Croquet, and the next thing you know they are lying naked on the lawn. Strip Croquet, that’s how you get the girl.

Obviously Veronica falls in love with J.D. and that’s when the trouble starts. She is upset with one of the Heathers for having taken her to a college party where things got out of control, and Veronica puked on the floor. So, J.D. and Veronica sneak into Heather’s house to take revenge. Veronica wants to give Heather a mixture of orange juice and milk to make her throw up, but J.D. calls her a wimp and suggests Drain-O instead. Even though the Drain-O is BRIGHT BLUE, Veronica somehow doesn’t realize she’s giving Heather poison, and so she dies. After which, J.D. suggests to Veronica she write a suicide letter to avoid being caught.

Everyone is mourning the death of Heather, which makes Veronica feel really bad. J.D. however, feels nothing. No remorse whatsoever. (Sociopath, anyone!?) Seriously, after that incident I would’ve run to the cops! Actually, come to think of it, the second he suggested we give someone Drain-O I would’ve been gone!

More aspects of the movie that make NO sense are: Veronica’s monocle! WHO WEARS A MONOCLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?! Even in the 80s! It’s ridiculous! If you pay close attention, everyone wears normal 80s clothes, but Veronica’s wardrobe is over-the-top-ridiculous. Also, J.D. brought a gun to school but since he only shot blanks he wasn’t expelled. Plus, they play croquet. So many weird things….

Anyway, this movie is surprisingly violent, and the deaths do not end there. Veronica is guilted into going out with Heather No. 2 and two football players (jerks). The night ends badly when one of the guys tries to have sex with Veronica. In the background, I swear it looks like the other Heather is being raped, but apparently this doesn’t concern Veronica because she just leaves. So then, J.D. suggests they shoot them, but Veronica doesn’t want to. So, he comes up with a B.S. story that they’ll use special bullets from Germany that will ‘make it look like they are dead, but not they’re not really dead’. I have no idea how Veronica believes this, especially after having killed Heather, but she goes along with his plan and the two football players end up dead, in the forest, with ‘evidence’ they were gay. (The evidence being Mineral Water, because if you had anything other than beer in your hand, you must be gay). The only good thing about their deaths was hearing one of the dads say he was proud of his gay son. <– aawww ♥

Let me tell you one thing, the story does not get any better. One of the Heathers decides she needs to kill herself because it’s what all the cool kids are doing, and Veronica breaks up with J.D. (finally!). The entire time I am thinking why aren’t any grownups around, or how is it that they can’t hear any of the violent death scenes?! I mean, it is not believable at all! Is that supposed to make the movie funny? I just don’t get it….

I have to admit there were some really good one-liners from the first Heather, but overall it was just a little too weird for me. I did a live tweet (including the good one-liners) while watching the movie, so if you are interested in those for the next movie my twitter handle is @art3missmith.

Have you seen the movie? What are your opinons of it? Did I miss something?! Remember to leave a comment!

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